I really like the album you picked for us to listen to this morning.
Brad:Thank you very much.
Monnica:Think It's a good choice.
Brad:I think it's a winner.
Monnica:Yes.
Brad:And very appropriate for today.
Monnica:Simply because we know the backstory where the band was experiencing chaos and
Brad:I am still in my shorts.
Monnica:Really? Brad's in his swim trunks. We were gonna go to the hot tub. It never happened. It's like from from where I can see, you look like you're you're prepared for the Zoom call.
Monnica:But under this desk, you got a pair of swim trunks on.
Brad:Which is probably everyone's Zoom call if we really are honest about it.
Monnica:Yeah. Welcome back to the manual transmission powered by coffee, curiosity, and wasn't chaos, was it? Conversation. Yeah, that was the other one.
Brad:It was a C. We're Brad and Monica Manuel, and we're here exploring what it means to live, love and lead with intention.
Monnica:Yes. And we listened to Fleetwood Mac's Rumors this morning. Such a good album.
Brad:Every song. This album was released in 1977. And it won Grammy Album of the Year in '78.
Monnica:It's really one of the most turbulent albums in rock history. They were all falling apart, but they made a Grammy winning album in the middle of all that. But it's like you say, what do you say? It's always steepest toward the top.
Brad:Doesn't it feel like that?
Monnica:Many times.
Brad:I'm not talking about right now.
Monnica:Yeah. Okay.
Brad:It's great right now. These are perfect. But back to the album.
Monnica:Cue the inner monologue about perfectionism.
Brad:Yeah. So the album itself, I mean, who hasn't except you this morning. You've seen it, but I had to jog your memory, but who hasn't
Monnica:I had seen it, I didn't know it was called Dogface.
Brad:Dogface208, that's his handle, think it's his TikTok handle. But where he's cruising down the street on his skateboard, he's heading to work and he's drinking a bottle of Ocean Spray cranberry juice, rocking out to dreams.
Monnica:It's I mean, I can see why it took off. It's just there's nothing not to love about it. Yeah. Okay. So.
Brad:The album sold over 40,000,000 copies and the band itself, they recorded this, they were in studio and I think it took quite a few takes, but they were all going through a lot of personal chaos, just turmoil.
Monnica:Yeah, a little backstory. They had a huge successful album, their first album, I don't if it was their first, but it was the previous album, self titled Fleetwood Mac.
Brad:It 1875.
Monnica:Yeah. Saw a lot of success. So they had made an agreement to come back and record another album. But from the outside, they should have been at their in their prime and having the time of their lives. But the reality is they were in a ton of turmoil and chaos between the band members and breaking up and divorces and with Lindsay and Stevie.
Monnica:John
Brad:and Christine McVee who were married, they were divorcing. Stevie Nicks and Lindsay Buckingham were separating and they had their issues and Mick Fleetwood was actually had his own marital troubles at the time as well.
Monnica:So they were all just going through it.
Brad:Hurting, they were
Monnica:reactive. Total emotional carnage. But
Brad:shoved into a studio to work it all out.
Monnica:And they, I mean, was no way out of it. They just had to go through it. And so, I mean, what a testament to, you know, their willingness to just stick it out and face it and convert the the struggles they were going through to something productive. And it turns out it's it's I think that's probably why rumors is such a classic. Like, it's so I feel like that emotional truth that they laid down on vinyl is people relate to it.
Brad:Yeah.
Monnica:The the realness of the emotions in all those songs.
Brad:Yes.
Monnica:Go your own way, dreams, don't stop, every song somehow, I don't know, just real, choosing to stick with it.
Brad:Felt a little like this morning.
Monnica:This morning was chaos.
Brad:Let's go into high low. You wanna do high low?
Monnica:Let's do high low.
Brad:Alright. So what was your high this week?
Monnica:Well, had two new workshops this week that were really great. And I felt really proud of that. It was invigorating.
Brad:They were good.
Monnica:One remote and one not remote in Florida.
Brad:The one that we did together, especially considering it was the first time that we had delivered that content together in that setting, I feel like we nailed it. So yeah, I definitely think that that was my high of the week. What about well, I know my low of the week was I was doing some demo work, some renovation work, and I had to remove some drywall. And I think I swung the sledgehammer one too many times, and the entire kitchen ceiling came crashing down on me, drywall insulation from the attic all over the place.
Monnica:It's only funny right now because I know you were fine. Nobody got hurt.
Brad:Nobody got hurt.
Monnica:But the picture you sent me, I was like, oh my God, I left you alone for five minutes.
Brad:It was
Monnica:I'm glad you're all right. Yeah. So is the kitchen. Kitchen's good. It will be.
Brad:It will be great. It'll be great. So what about your Yeah.
Monnica:Oh man. You know those moments when your nervous system hits send before your brain has a chance to review the message.
Brad:Yes.
Monnica:Yeah. I had one of those. I had more than one of those moments this week, but just somebody said something, which in my defense was pretty stupid. It wasn't me. Somebody said something really stupid, but my issue was I mean, I'm sure I said stupid things.
Brad:You didn't tell him that, did you?
Monnica:No. But I think my response to it or my reactivity in the moment to that thing really kinda I could have I could have taken a breath and probably chosen a smarter response, a more thoughtful response. And so I basically, you know, outed that person in front of other people unintentionally. That's because of my reaction. And then his reaction to my reaction wasn't great, and so there we were.
Monnica:So I think I mean, wasn't that big of a deal, but I just I noticed I would have done it differently had I just taken a breath first before I expressed what I thought about what was said.
Brad:When did you know you, like, you went, oops.
Monnica:When well, because what I I tried to frame it as, like, lighthearted, but the reality is I called him out for saying something, which again, in my defense was pretty stupid. But I didn't I didn't say that. I just was like I just reacted to it and said, do you wanna say that another way? You wanna try again? Because and I repeated what he said.
Monnica:So the to answer your question
Brad:So he didn't realize what he said?
Monnica:I don't no. He didn't intend it the way it came out.
Brad:Gotcha.
Monnica:And so but I reacted to the way it came out, and I was like, do you want to try that again? And then when he was basically when I saw his reaction to what I said and realized that's not that's not probably what he meant,
Brad:and now You could have been fight or flight.
Monnica:Now he was yeah. So I was like, yeah. I could have I could have chosen a smarter response if I had just taken a breath first.
Brad:So how do you know when you're triggered like that?
Monnica:Well, usually it's in hindsight, but I'm working on being more preventative than that. But I think because in so in hindsight, I was I was the way I would I'm trying to find the right words to explain it other than, like, feeling like I was going toe to toe. I felt like I was defensive. I guess that's it. I felt like I was
Brad:I guess that's the thing. What were you feeling in that split second moment?
Monnica:Yeah. Like, a little, like, what's the word? Like, my Oh, yeah? Like, I'm ready to go. I'm ready to fight.
Monnica:I was definitely feeling like, alright, that's what you think, let's bring it on, buddy. That's how I felt.
Brad:That happens.
Monnica:I am Irish.
Brad:You are Irish?
Monnica:I'm working on, you know, bringing How some awareness to my
Brad:much of that do you think you can control?
Monnica:Well, I mean, I don't know, in hindsight, I mean, I think, yeah, I don't know if I could have controlled it in the moment. I mean, everything was fine, it was what it was, it was pretty honest. But I felt bad that he felt bad, and maybe that's his problem, not mine. He did say something stupid. But I could have had a little more grace, I think.
Monnica:So how do I control it? I don't know if I can fully control it, but what I can do is take reflect back on that experience and go, know what, the next time I feel that way, maybe there's just enough of a space between that stimulus and my response that I can take a breath and go, maybe I'll just take a beat right here and think about that. I don't need to say something back right now. We can just, like, let that hang. And if it was something stupid, either someone else will call him out on it or the moment will pass, and I'll just let it pass with grace.
Monnica:Or the reality is he didn't mean the offense that he said, if in hindsight. Do you guys want to know what he said? It was actually not that big of a deal. I feel like I'm making a bigger deal of it then. Sure.
Monnica:He probably forgot all
Brad:about Part of it is I think it's like what was it that triggered it, and why did you think that you needed to say something then? And maybe you needed to say it.
Monnica:Maybe. Yeah. I mean, I think I could have said it better. So it really all he's well, okay. Here's what happened.
Monnica:He was talking about an employee, and he said, she's a girl, but she's good. Like, but the way she the way he said it, he was saying it like, she's a girl, but don't worry. She's she's good. Like like as though having said she was a girl meant he then had to say, but it's okay. Don't worry.
Monnica:She's actually good. And I was like, do you want to say that another way? Like, WTF man? But I reacted kind of big, and I could have maybe just taken Mhmm. A
Brad:You probably were even thinking you were being a little funny.
Monnica:I did. Was I tried to bring some levity to it to take a little bit off the top.
Brad:That did land very well.
Monnica:It didn't work.
Brad:Okay.
Monnica:So that was my low. I felt like I could have done that differently.
Brad:Alright. That makes me think, you know, like early in our marriage.
Monnica:All kinds of things.
Brad:All lots.
Monnica:That I did big.
Brad:Almost funny when I think back on Almost. Well, yeah, I did. But only because I wanna think we've come a long way.
Monnica:Oh my gosh. I mean
Brad:I mean, you roll your eyes.
Monnica:If we hadn't, well, if we hadn't changed that trajectory, we would not be married right now.
Brad:Well, we knew nothing about our nervous systems then. No. We didn't have the tools. We didn't know what our lizard brain was.
Monnica:Yeah.
Brad:And what that fight
Monnica:or What an emotional flight to distress high death response
Brad:was. We just simply reacted.
Monnica:Yeah. I mean, well, something would a spark would happen. A tone, a look, a missed expectation. It's like like I said, it's like our brains hit send before, like, our amygdala hijacked that, like, emotional, like, fight or flight part of our brain hit send before like our logical parts of our brain could go, ah, is that a good idea? Maybe let's review before hitting send.
Brad:Well, and then I guess
Monnica:Could you proofread this for me?
Brad:Yeah. I wish we
Monnica:had Yeah.
Brad:Somebody to check-in before. But but it's not like we've arrived.
Monnica:Well, no. I mean, this morning is evidence of that. That
Brad:was that was like is like we needed to go back to class before we did this today.
Monnica:Well, that's the thing. I mean, I think we're talking about these lessons we've learned. It's not like you learn them and then you've learned them. You you learn them and then you get challenged with new ways to apply them. And you've got to learn a whole new application of that thing you thought you learned.
Monnica:So but it's like, we're in that stress response, and sometimes we do a bad job of naming or articulating what it is we actually feel. And so instead of, you know, articulating the problem or expressing the need, we instead, blame or lash out or criticize or get defensive or do these things that are like certainly a symptom of what's wrong, but they don't help you understand what's wrong.
Brad:And I think to that point, that's yeah. Before, we didn't have the tools, the knowledge to be able to name what it was that was happening. I and I know, I mean, part of that was the fact that early on in our relationship, I mean we were married and we were kids.
Monnica:Yeah, I we were 18,
Brad:I was 24, and then we had kids of our own, and
Monnica:Survival mode.
Brad:We just didn't have the tools to be able to handle those conversations in a productive way. But even literally today, now we have the tools, and you can have the tools, but if you're not using them or if or if, again, you're in that
Monnica:state, stress
Brad:it's hard to access the tools. But it was, as you were talking about that, the naming it, that really was or is the thing that that helps because as soon as we're able to name it to, like, see what it is, then it creates the space to own it.
Monnica:Well, yeah, that ownership then can soften some of those defenses and allow for then the space to actually talk about what is actually bothering. And the thing is, it's not like you didn't know it was bothering you, or excuse me, it's not like you knew it was bothering you and you weren't willing to share it, or I knew it was bothering me and I wasn't willing to share it. So we hadn't stopped to reflect and go, what is what is bothering me? What am I frustrated about? And in our case this morning, was a simple misalignment of some expectations that we hadn't we had both accidentally formed separately that didn't align and hadn't communicated about them.
Monnica:And then once we were able to get to the root of what was actually the source of frustration, it wasn't hard to make that alignment. We just had, but what felt, what took a minute and what felt a little bit hard is to get to what was misaligned.
Brad:And then naming it, it was almost like an acknowledgement being able to say to our body, our nervous system, I see you. I get it. Yeah. But that is difficult.
Monnica:Yeah. I feel like we were locked in that state for like twelve years maybe, the first several years of our marriage.
Brad:A long time.
Monnica:I mean, constantly, but you know, a lot.
Brad:Yeah, but I also reflect on that and go when you don't have the tools, it's hard. I mean, you kind of come out of it and you don't really come out of it. It's still like lingering stuff like there's stuff that's unsaid or assumed that you can never, you haven't learned how to communicate it until later as you've, I think part of that too was like as we grew up, literally growing up together, we aged, our brains started myelinating and they could function the right way. Yeah. We could put, you know, two and two together and start seeing some of these patterns that were holding us back and and then being open to going, okay.
Brad:You know, a lot of this stuff is circumstantial. Even I think this morning was very much circumstantial. We have been running, go, go, go, lots of stuff spinning plates in the air, and I think that that's what, excuse me, a lot of couples do is life happens and you're going so fast, you're missing each other and then you react.
Monnica:Well, and then to your point, in that reaction, in that reactivity, you have to sometimes in response to that reactivity, people separate or call call it quits or or just suppress it or, like, cope with it, but don't stay in the room long enough to go, hey. Let's figure out what is underneath this. Because, like, there's underlying assumption is that you wanna get it right. I wanna get it right. I love you.
Monnica:You love me. We're gonna figure this out. We may need a second to calm down. But if we can stick with it long enough, we can probably figure out what the issue is.
Brad:Well, then we bring our own ways of dealing with it to the table.
Monnica:What are you thinking of when you say that?
Brad:Well, I think of, like, early in our marriage, how when there was I would say most of the stuff that we that we ever dealt with was this misalignment, like reactivity, whatever. You in your Irish nature
Monnica:My fiery red headed nature.
Brad:You were like, no, we're figuring this out.
Monnica:Right now. Now. You needed minute.
Brad:Can't even process. I don't even have the words to say. I mean, the words that are about to come out
Monnica:are gonna do any good.
Brad:So I need some space. And you were perceiving that space as rejection. Yeah. And I was perceiving your now as like, Aggression. Like, oh, you want to fight?
Brad:I don't want to fight with you. You don't want me to fight with you.
Monnica:Well, we didn't know about attachment styles. We learned about those later, but our attachment styles can kind of be inflammatory to each other. Yours is avoidant, mine is anxious. So mine's low avoidance, high. So like there's ideally, we'd all be securely attached when in our attachment relationships, but we're not because we weren't shaped that way with our upbringing.
Monnica:And so yours is insecure avoidant and mine is insecure anxious. So in that moment where there's, you know, a problem, you want to withdraw and go self soothe in a way that pulls you out of the situation. I am upset and want to self soothe by finding resolution right now and getting that reassurance that I'm not going be abandoned and you're going to be in it with me. And so you need to take care of your needs by like taking a beat and letting your body calm down and your emotions calm down. I am looking for, no, let's get in this and talk about it right now.
Monnica:And so we battled with that for years.
Brad:It was a vicious cycle.
Monnica:Yeah, and then when we, I think we learned over time and then it was pointed out to us in therapy, but it was about, or it was that realization that, oh, okay, Preplanning. So like you say, can you control who you are or how you tend to react? I don't know if you can control it, but I think you can have a plan for that. So then I learned and reordered my thinking around this. When that happens, I've already thought about this, I can recall in that moment, you just need a break.
Monnica:You'll come back. It's okay. In fact, I probably need a break too. So it's not indefinite. There's a limit on it, but like it's maybe thirty minutes, maybe it's twenty minutes, maybe it's an hour, but we will come back within this day or maybe, you know, if it's late at night, maybe it's gonna be in the morning, but we will come back and we'll we'll work it out.
Brad:And then we both had to kind of compromise in that you had to trust just enough to allow the space when everything in you was feeling like that is rejection. Like I was
Monnica:Like it wasn't safe to let you walk out Exactly. The
Brad:And mine is like trusting you enough to go, I can stay in the room long enough to like hear that you're not attacking, this isn't a fight, but you're seeking to understand.
Monnica:Right.
Brad:Long enough for us to figure that. But that takes a lot of awareness.
Monnica:Yeah, sure. Especially when you're so close and you've known each other for so long and you live together and you do everything together, you're like, yeah, it's pretty, you have mainline access. And so you have to be careful with that mainline access. I need to be aware that, you know, if what I'm saying comes off to you as criticism, that you're going to be you're probably going to feel a little defensive. And so that's yours to manage.
Monnica:You need to recognize defensiveness and choose ownership, and I need to be thoughtful with how I'm saying things and go back and review and go, oh, wait a minute, did I say something that came off in a way that I didn't mean it? And can I go back and explore that? And that was part of what happened, was that something I said that I didn't intend as a criticism at all felt that way to you. But there was was more to it. Anyway, we figured it out.
Brad:I always, honestly, I think I mentioned this to you years ago, but you are very articulate with your words when you wanna be. I'm not as smart as you. I
Monnica:It's not true.
Brad:Well, I'm just I always felt like if if we got into this argument, I wasn't able to, like, formulate my my defenses, my argument in a way that was going to make sense. So some of that avoidance was, like, let me think.
Monnica:Yeah. No, yeah, I I think it took me a long time to figure that out, but I'd say for like the last decade, I think I've been pretty pretty good about that. Not always, sometimes I'm like, no, We've sorry, got
Brad:way better.
Monnica:Sorry, man. We're gonna do this. We need to talk about this. But, I mean, like you said, it's it's give and take. Right?
Monnica:I'm aware that you need space. You're aware that I need to work it out. So we find some middle ground in there, and I feel safer to give you space and know that you'll come back. And I think you feel safer to stay engaged a little bit longer to give me the reassurance that it's okay to give you space.
Brad:Yeah. I think that's what I really like about this album being the choice of today was that when they I mean, I'm sure they had contractual agreements Yeah. With their record label. They had to get back in the studio, but they could have just said no. With all of the stuff going on between those relationships, they could have easily said no, we're done.
Brad:But they they stayed in the room. They they stuck it out through all of it. They They recorded something really cool. If you go back and you listen to the album and you listen to the songs and you actually see who wrote what and the words to each one, it's like, oh my gosh.
Monnica:Yeah, was did doing that this they
Brad:do that? How did they, I mean, to be in the same room, to know the relationships that they had, the turmoil that was going on, and then to produce something that again, is one of the best albums of all time, is really incredible.
Monnica:They literally, it's an album full of them taking the sounds of reactivity and high, high stakes emotions and transforming them into resonance, literally. And, you know, in the in the times and the places where we're tempted to run or shut down, instead, like you said, stay in the room, sometimes we get rewarded because we stuck with it. And, it's really a master class in accountability, in awareness, and emotions, they didn't avoid their reactivity. They composed through it. It's pretty crazy, actually.
Monnica:It's great.
Brad:I'm getting better. I'm working on my piece. You're doing
Monnica:great, Brad.
Brad:Remember the time when we were driving around?
Monnica:Oh my god, okay. Yes.
Brad:I like major kudos in the moment because it got heated, it was very, this isn't like, this is in the like recent history too.
Monnica:Well, this is probably a year ago. About a year ago. What's funny is you said remember the time we were driving around and actually about three or four times came to my mind about different things, but actually one's really funny.
Brad:Was a pivotal moment of awareness on my part.
Monnica:Yes. I don't even remember. So I know I was driving, and I know you were struggling with not being in the driver's seat in that particular moment. Because usually you're the one who drives. Mhmm.
Monnica:And like, couldn't find a parking space or something, and you were getting really agitated, but it didn't make sense that you were getting agitated, and you paused, and you're like, you know what? I'm feeling agitated, and here's why. And I was like, oh, wow. Okay. I can see how in the past you would have just kept getting agitated, and I would have been like, why the hell are you agitated, And taking it personally.
Monnica:Anyway, we figured it out, but the time I was actually thinking about, do you remember, I actually don't know what was happening, but what?
Brad:Go ahead.
Monnica:Do you remember I got so mad at you. You stopped at a light and I got out of
Brad:the car. Oh, I was thinking of another time. Oh my gosh, it's so crazy.
Monnica:It's still driving.
Brad:I got, it is too. What is going on?
Monnica:It was, this is like a handful of things over like twenty eight years, so it's not like this happens all the time.
Brad:For some reason, it's like we're
Monnica:Being in the car. Being in
Brad:the car.
Monnica:But do you know what I'm talking about?
Brad:Yes.
Monnica:What was happening? Why was I so furious at you? I just literally, I think we were still several miles from home and I got out the car and I walked
Brad:would not get back in.
Monnica:You were like, you'd pull up and you'd be like, come on. I'm like, no, get away from me.
Brad:I would just, there are two other times that jogged my memory. There was the time when, it's always when I get really upset. I used to get upset. I have like learned to manage
Monnica:my You've calmed way down.
Brad:My road rage. I self confessed, I was really bad. And honestly, I remember I like took on like the same habits that my dad, my dad is just not a very happy driver. Nope. So I remember one time we were, and I was in the passenger seat, you were driving the truck.
Monnica:Is there a pattern here?
Brad:Maybe. And somebody cut us off, but I get really mad when somebody cuts us off because I feel like it's like a threat, like a physical threat.
Monnica:Like you're having
Brad:Yeah, a my reactivity was in a moment, I like, I hit the
Monnica:Oh no, no, no, we almost got t boned in intersection. Your reaction, like it was actually a really scary moment. We weren't, there was no fight involved We almost got in a really bad accident. It wasn't our fault. Somebody like, I think they ran a red light or something.
Monnica:And your reaction was to punch the window.
Brad:And it cracked.
Monnica:Yeah.
Brad:And then the other one that I was thinking of was the time I was driving, somebody cut us off. You were fired up. The kids were in the back seat and I pulled up
Monnica:next
Brad:to the
Monnica:guy and
Brad:I rolled down the window.
Monnica:Oh, were driving? Yeah. Oh, you were driving. I was in the passenger seat stuck. Yep.
Monnica:And you pulled up next to the guy and opened my window.
Brad:And what did you do? I don't know the reason why.
Monnica:Okay. We might have to bleep this out. But the kids were pretty young.
Brad:Mhmm.
Monnica:And you stopped there, and he wrote We had a stoplight. Now he's got his window down, and my window is down. I don't want any part of this, but I'm in it. So I ripped the guy's head off and I told him there's blankety blank effing blankety blank ways to do things and there's kids in this car and the kids are like, mommy, mommy said some bad words.
Brad:I I definitely I shoved you in that reactivity.
Monnica:Listen, I am not one to freeze when I get trapped in a situation. I'm going come out swinging. No kidding. So don't stick me in that situation.
Brad:So I think the lesson is everyone reacts.
Monnica:Everyone reacts.
Brad:The question is, do we learn from it?
Monnica:I think when we reflect on it, we learn from it. Yeah.
Brad:And and I in many of these moments, I I realize it's again, it's like our instant reaction is to blame, to,
Monnica:you Right, didn't lash
Brad:right. And so again, that awareness.
Monnica:Yeah, the awareness is where the blame stops and that defensiveness can soften. I think we talked about it before, the four Horsemen that John Gottman talks about, and one of them is defensiveness. And the antidote to defensiveness is, is there anything here I can own? Can I just own 10% of it? Like, I think you're being a big jerk, but I'm not actually saying that to you, but I have thought that before at some, you know, one or two times in our almost 30 of being married, a couple times I've thought that, just a couple.
Monnica:And in that moment when I'm like, you jerk, can I just pause and go, wait a minute, is there anything about this situation right now that I can take ownership over? I it's something And about that move is like it opens the door for a resolution to to start happening.
Brad:And what I love about that is that that question is curiosity.
Monnica:Yeah.
Brad:That is like the key to awareness. Just being able to ask that question even when you feel justified, not you, me, I'm talking to myself. Whenever you feel like you are right in the situation, you are justified in the situation, can you ask yourself, can you be aware enough, can you pause just for a moment enough to go, what do I own here?
Monnica:Yeah.
Brad:How much of this is me? And if you can stop, pause long enough to ask that question, that opens the door for that curiosity to come in. And that is where we can learn.
Monnica:Well, feel like if you even just look over human history, it's when people believe they're right that they do some of the most heinous things. And it's when I've been convinced I was correct and right that I've been the biggest jerk. But, like, yeah, I mean, I won't start calling out events in human history, but if you look back at some of the most atrocious ones, they're usually led by people who are convinced that they're right and others are wrong, and they've stopped asking any more questions because they've concluded that they're right, and there's no more curiosity involved. There's no more seeking to understand or trying to, you know, get to the bottom of something or assumption that there's more to learn here. It's just I'm right, and therefore, I'm gonna take this action because it's justified.
Monnica:They do something horrible. So, yeah, I think there's a lot to this curiosity and openness piece. Yeah, good talk, Brad.
Brad:Maybe the invitation is the next time that you react, can you name it? You know, don't try to fix it, don't even judge it.
Monnica:Can you just understand Just justify what it it.
Brad:Yeah, can you, you know, can you simply name it?
Monnica:Yeah.
Brad:And ask that question.
Monnica:Well, I think there's some, there's a common humanity in this because the reality is we all make mistakes. We all make, we all react, and we all make choices that we wish we hadn't. And so what then can we reflect as we reflect on them, what can we take forward as, like, a plan for next time? Yeah. And extend some grace when somebody does something stupid because I know I've done lots of stupid stuff, and I really appreciate when I've been extended grace in those moments.
Monnica:Like, none of us are done growing. We're all still learning. We're all figuring it out.
Brad:I don't think that's ever gonna end.
Monnica:Yeah. The
Brad:more I realize it as much as I'd love for it to not be the case.
Monnica:To just arrive? Like, what then?
Brad:It seems like it would be so much easier.
Monnica:The sale of and then they lived happily ever after. Yeah, that's a load of horse shit.
Brad:It is. Okay, I think that's this week's transmission. So if we said something today that sparked a question.
Monnica:Yeah, you want to further the conversation.
Brad:Yeah, you want to talk to us about or you want to know, maybe leave it in the comments, reach out to us on Instagram or YouTube.
Monnica:Help us shape the conversation.
Brad:Yeah, we'd love to hear from you. Your questions and your stories are actually going to help us dictate like the direction of this show, this endeavor.
Monnica:I mean, that's the thing. Like I think so much of what we see, I think we get presented with these false veneers of everything being either Jerry Springer crazy or, like, perfect or whatever. But the reality is that people are just real.
Brad:There's both.
Monnica:People struggle, and both everything things
Brad:in the spectrum.
Monnica:And you can go from Jerry Springer crazy
Brad:We've had Jerry Springer crazy. To
Monnica:To to maturity in one day. Right.
Brad:Literally in a conversation.
Monnica:Yeah. Disgusting with it.
Brad:Until next time.
Monnica:Thank you.
Brad:Stay curious, stay connected and may your coffee be strong.
Monnica:And your conversation stronger. Cheers.
Brad:Slainte. Slainte. What did we leave on set?
Monnica:I don't know. I think we cover about twenty minutes of thirty years, so probably a couple of things.
Brad:Do apologize for anything?